I just found an e-mail I composed (but apparently never sent) to Representative Joe Wilson following the “you lie!” incident at the State of the Union a few years back. It’s a shame I never sent it because it’s kind of funny and surprisingly well-researched. I know it’s late now, but I figured I’d share it anyway:

Hey dude,

I hope you don’t mind if I call you “dude” but I have a hunch you’re not really into formality. Also, I’m not in your district so I might be speaking out of term here- but, again, I have a hunch you’re cool with that.

Where was I? Oh yeah… yelling at the President during his speech? Dude, he’s the President, you’re not supposed to do that! Also, you’re not supposed to say “lie!” when someone is saying something that is true- because that’s not what “lie” means, you’re using the word wrong…

When that President guy (formality, right?) said this bill doesn’t provide federal payments for undocumented aliens he was referring to the part of the bill that says, and I quote, “NO FEDERAL PAYMENTS FOR UNDOCUMENTED ALIENS.” It’s on page 143, you can go look it up, I’ll wait…

See, it’s right there.

Now maybe you’re worried that he might be using words the way you use words- like, to mean the opposite of what they’re supposed to mean. But don’t worry, he isn’t. Because that would be dumb.

A’ight, man, I’ll talk to you later. Peace!